Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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