Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
