Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
