her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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