Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You're like the curious george of whores
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
