You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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