I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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