Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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