So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i've created a new STD.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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