And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
