if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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