My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
