I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
