My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I smell like Dick and happiness
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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