I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
