He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
