True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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