Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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