when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
