community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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