Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
