I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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