yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
