My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize