isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
