I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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