If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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