How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
