yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
