So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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