meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
