I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
