I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
