Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
