The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
