Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize