If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
