she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
