You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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