If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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