finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
