You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
