wanna go halves on a baby?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
