I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
