i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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