That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
