She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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