just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
