i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
