I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
