You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
