Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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