how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
