just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
