That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
