Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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