Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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