Your tits are I can't wait for
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
