you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
COCAINE IS GR8
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
