Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
