I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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