tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
