she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
