My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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