how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
3 2 1 whiskey
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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