Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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