Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize