i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
