I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize