I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
