My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
