Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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