we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
