So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
