i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
