my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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