I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I deserve this hangover.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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